35

This year I will be 35. 35 is young, I understand that. 35 is also likely the halfway point for me... where is all this coming from? Well, quite honestly I am aftraid to die. To me the thought of not living anymore is downright frightening. The thought of taking my last breath? Can't even think about it without my heart racing. Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I believe that I will be in heaven. I believe those things, but what if? I do not feel comforted by those ideas and beliefs. I am scared. Songs and music tend to help me feel even more phobic. The first time I heard Pink Floyd's "Time," the lyric "shorter of breath and one day closer to death," I really took notice. Certainly I was much younger then... but man. Now, it seems to be Death Cab for Cutie. They have a few songs on the album "Plans" that deal with getting older at the midlife point and dying. They are fairly stark and to the point. "Who's gonna watch you die?" Wow. Thanks, I feel like planting trees... really, it's a fair question. "Love is watching someone die... so who's gonna watch you die?" Who will cry at my funeral? What happens when the last breath is taken? We don't know until it happens, and we can't tell the people that are left behind. Death? Thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather live forever.