Even though I look weird... this is a cool place.

If you know where this picture was taken... then you are as goofy as I am. If you know why I am so happy in this picture, you are goofier than me. It's me at Graceland. And it was about the the thrill of a life time. We visited Elvis' home and then stayed at the Heartbreak Hotel. We visited Sun Studios and also the Gibson Factory. Did I mention Beale Street? If that weren't enough, we also went on to Nashville and saw more live music. Wow... what a whirlwind, but what a great few days. It was tremendous. Dan and I got to relax... much needed at this time and we got to see and hear new things... and of course CHICKEN WINGS!

Here's who I saw in Memphis... Eric Hughes band at Club 152... awesome blues and cool dudes! In Nashville we saw the Don Kelley Band and David Tanner at Robert's Western Wear. Sweet!

Life?

I pose this question... what is life? It is what I make it. Yes, that is true. I feel that my life is what I make it, either through deliberate choices or thoughtless actions. But sometimes it gets tiring being deliberate and I want to be less thoughtful. Then though, you reap what you sow. If I choose to be thoughtless, then I get what I get. But it is hard to be thoughtful and deliberate and careful all the time. I want to take and have taken a break, but then I feel that I land where the wind takes me.

Spiritually speaking, I am all out of sorts. Where I had once felt a strong faith, I feel questions and fear. Here I am in the last days of Lent and I find it hard to feel anything. I fear death, I fear making the wrong choices. I fear how I am viewed by others. I feel as though I am a decent human being but at the same time I feel as though I am selfish and in a sense child-like in my perception of how the world should treat me. And I also feel self-righteous... I find it easy to find fault with others. I have a hard time balancing having fun but still maintaining all that I need to be responsible for in each facet of my life.

I thought that I would be smarter as I grew older, have better answers or at the very least, some answers. I find that as I grow older that the questions become harder and that I know far less. I know a great deal about how things should go, but know far less about how to make things work out that way. Sometimes I think quite possibly that I could be the biggest moron in everything that I do, in all aspects of my life.

I feel that I can't do it all... that I am spent. Fortunately I have some time off coming, perhaps I can get straight in my mind. Maybe I need a change of scenery...

Eddie Van Halen

My long time hero is in bad shape again... don't know how or why. Don't really care. I've been rough on the man, but it was because I felt let down. Funny how even at 35, I can still be let down by someone I have never met. So now, here is Mr. Van Halen, facing some sort of medical issues and undergoing tests. Now I can say that I hope its all good. I guess that by elevating Mr. Van Halen to hero status, I forgot that he is indeed another person. He doesn't exist for me alone... just as I don't exist for reason alone. Not really deep, I know, but Eddie is the MAN.