Washing the Sheets

So on my washing machine I have a thing that you can set for a delayed start. I guess you would call it a timer, right? Right. So this morning before I left for work I loaded in the sheets, pillow cases, heavy duty socks and sweat pants. Set the timer to start in either 2 hours, 4 hours or 9 hours. 9 hours it is. I get home, put the wet stuff in the dryer and it comes out dry, just the way that it is supposed to. Now I am attempting to put the sheets on the bed. I think whoever came up with fitted sheets was a real jokester. I worked as a house keeper and changed king sized sheets without a single one of them being fitted. You got it, all flat sheets. Works a lot quicker and easier if you ask me. Especially if you have a bed that rests about 3 inches down on the frame. Fitted sheets are a pain anyhow, besides the fact that it takes a prayer and a small miracle to get them folded, they almost never go on the way they are supposed to, especially after you wash them. Now try this as a solo act. Lifting up the matress 5 or 6 inches, tucking the sheet and the mattress pad corners in and running to the other side only to have the tension of the fabric win the battle and POP! Off comes the corner. It may sound like I can't handle changing the sheets, but I would invite anyone to visit their local Ikea and attempt this stunt. It could be a good Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel event. Sheet Changing Master! Aneesa? Please. Robin? Not a chance! Kina? You wish!

Run Down

Today I am home sick. I have been stretched a little thin, mostly emotionally though. I haven't been sleeping very much either. Consequently I am sick. I used to not be the type to stay home. I have learned that it is kind of silly not to. I've learned that just like Barney Fife says, "You've got to nip it in the bud." So here I am, nipping it in the bud. It seems like I've been sick a few times in the last couple of years. Oh well, I've got to do what I need to do. Of course, this little sickness comes at an inconvenient time, not the worst time, just inconvenient. February is a big month for me with a great deal of demands, so it's best that I leave all the crap behind in January, right?

One Thing I Cannot Stand...

...is when people make things that are not about them about them. So, guess who has been making things that are not about them about them? DING! Ann is. Sometimes I am such a moron. I have been acting like a 14 year old this week. Pretty goofy. So what's the deal? I guess I am reacting to my own fear of appearing stupid. I don't like to draw negative attention, and I am pretty self-effacing with positive attention. So when I feel that something negative is magnified... watch out. I get all dumb.

Winter

There is a lot that I like about winter. But then again, there are things that I don't like about it. For example: the snow, the cold, the wind, the sun setting at 2:00 in the afternoon. Okay, I exagerate, but winter is tough. I prefer the sun and shorts, t-shirts and sandals to heavy coats, gloves and hats. There's about 6 inches of snow on the ground and some kid just walked by without a coat on. Just a t-shirt. What a goof. It's cold out.

I have been thinking about winter since I saw a commercial on TV that talked about how in some places there is no such thing as a "wind chill factor." Wow. I was fairly and thoroughly depressed after that. What gets me about winter is that it seems to have an extra long hold on us. Winter doesn't start until the year is almost over, but it feels like it starts and never ends. Why does winter keep trying to hold spring down?

Has Anything Interesting Happened to Me?

In the course of my lifetime, of course interesting things have happened to. Often though, I don't fully understand the meaning until much later. Sometimes it is years before I understand what exactly happened. Because I missed the boat a lot a few years ago, I try to make sure that I have the schedule all the time now. What I mean is that I am always looking for life lessons. I believe in karma or that you get what you give, you reap what you sow... however you want to put it. I keep thinking that some things happen for a reason. You meet people for a reason, that they meet you for a reason. Events happen for a reason whatever. Sometimes you learn an easy lesson, sometimes a hard lesson. Sometimes you get a chance to make up for something from the past with something in the now. Sometimes you are the teacher, sometimes the student. Sometimes you are the innocent bystander. Sometimes you learn at the expense of others, sometimes others learn at your expense. I try to learn from my mistakes. It helps though if you realize that you've made a mistake. If you don't get it, then you don't get it until you do get it. That's what I mean about not figuring it out for awhile. If it were sunny and warm, I wouldn't be thinking like this. I still wonder what I want to be when I grow up.

Here's What I Did Today

I spent time thinking about MLK and where we are today. How have things changed in my life time? What does Martin Luther King mean to our culture? Think about it for awhile, my friend.

I also spent time with my family today, different folks at different times for different reasons. It was good to spend time with them and get a bit of a glimpse into their every day lives.

Tonight, our friend Paul came to spend a few hours with us. He gave some good advice to me for something important.

Then, I read an e-mail from a friend. Warm words on a very cold and a bit snowy night. It just goes to show you that as a person you can have an impact on people. The words sent that were sent to me will likely last a life time. I've been very lucky to be a part of someone's life and therefore even luckier to get to know her family and to count them among my friends. People who I think highly of and who I value.

Right now, Dan and I are on the couch. Betty is in her chair. We are watching hockey highlights.

How blessed I am to have such a great day with great people. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as what I did or where I went, but a very special day indeed.

Punishment

I love to punish myself. What else should I do about something other than feel guilty? Without anxiety? That's my personality.

I will tell you that about three years ago, it was the darkest time I can ever remember in my life. It wasn't the result of any major incident. Rather one small one triggered about 18 months of blackness. It was terrible. I didn't eat. I became compulsive in my behaviors. I rarely slept. I was tired all the time. I did things to keep myself absorbed in anything but my reality. How awful. I went on for a long time thinking that I was a terrible person who deserved anything that came my way.

I don't understand how Dan was able to live with me or in that type of situation. I am not quite sure where I would be if he were not patient, resilient, thoughtful and loving.

I thought about that period of my life just the other day. It was only then that I realized what Dan had lived through and how it must have been awful. Not being able to help, not being the problem but not being able to solve it.

I am very fortunate to have Dan, but not only for the times that he has saved me.

We have a great deal of happy memories, things that wouldn't have been the same or possible without him.

Lots of firsts... first time to Canada, first NHL game, first new cars, first this, first that. A lot of "once in a lifetime" experiences too. The happy and exciting memories are wonderful and what I am choosing from now on to put in the forefront of my life, in any case, in any relationship.

It's Funny How...

...I can hook up with an old friend that you haven't seen for 15 years and pick right up where we left off.

...I can be alone with someone I see grew up positively adoring but can't find anything to talk about that is more significant than the weather.

...I can see the goodness in others but struggle to find it in myself.

...I hate to run out of gas but deny that the gas guage reads "empty."

...I can be penny wise and dollar foolish.

...I never used to think that I would think a washing machine would be "cool."

...I never used to think that I would ever use e-mail.

...I have developed a huge soft spot for my brothers.

...I like pork fat but not pork rinds.

...I used to think that golf was a total waste of time and land.

...I used to honk my horn when I saw someone on their backswing.

It's just how things go.

Will You Still Need Me When I'm 34?

That's right... 34. How about that? Unlike some of these other gals, I ain't afraid to say my age. I'm 34 years old and I like to kick, stretch and KICK! I'm 34!

Look, I know 34 isn't old. But I have a thing about dying. Don't want to do it, not interested. I'll do all that I can to avoid it. I think about dying just as I am drifting off to sleep... and I think to myself that I would be really lucky to just die in my sleep and how this could be my last breath.

I do have a thing about death but there are a couple of things that have gotten me thinking about it lately. The song "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie and the fact that Oprah Winfrey is in her 50s and that there is more time behind her than in front of her. This was on Larry King Live with Oprah and her minions from her XM station. I don't watch Oprah, don't get the wrong idea.

See, Oprah and I have something in common.

Anyways, what I think I fear most is not being on Earth and what happens in between the here and the hereafter.